A blog to remember Gilles Laurent, who died in Brussels Attack in the middle of making his film about Fukushima / this blog is organized by his wife Reiko Udo

言葉が出てこなかった。Words did not come easily.




Today I felt that my speech was failure. Or I should say, maybe I was sort of absent-minded.



Normaylly I was feeling like words come from somewhere, and I was able to choose them while I was speaking at the same time. I was even enjoying that sense of control. But today, as I was speaking eeach time, I felt that the words were drawn into air sometimes.


昨年10月以降、試写会や上映会などで登壇して、今日が7回目。過去2回はついに原稿も用意しなくなり、楽しんで出来ているかも、とさえ思っていた。「話し手としてただ者ではない」と評価してもらえたこともあった。こんな緊張しやすい私が! と、うれしく、確固たる自信が生まれてきたような気さえしていた。

Since last October, my speech was the seventh time. I did not prepare any drafts for last two occasions. Somebody even told me that I was quite a great speaker. I was feeling that my confidence was born.



And finally, today is the debut of the film to the public.



Yes, it will be all right, this time too... I was thinking in this way.  But as soon as I stood up in front of the audience with Gilles' backpack, I was not able to stop my tears. I was introducing myself saying 'I never cried on stage , but....'



The guest who stood beside me today was Mrs. Harumi Sugiyama, who lost her husband in the world trade center in New York on 11th of September. The only part of the body she could receive was 'one thumb' of her husband. She worte a book about her experience and later she got a license of a counselor to be able to console people who experienced sudden tragedy like hers. She is speaking with people from Fukushima too.



She says, 'Being alive is not just a normal thing. Death looks like tragidy, but maybe the fact that we are living is already like a miracle. We should be thankful for this fact and cherish all moments with grateful heart.'



She helped me to speak in the last moment, as I was not able to hold it because of lots of flowers. She held the microphone for me. That was the symbolic moment of today. For me, it seems that somebody's support is still necessary.



I would like to be somebocy like Mrs. Sugiyama in the future, who can help other people to speak naturally. I wish I could return the same amount of kindness to others or more. If I just care about my failure, it is so small.



Maybe Gilles did not able to let me speak smoothly because he also had too much emotion... we were not working good enough anyway, today !



Sorry Mr. Kobayashi, the president of the distributing company, who worked as a master of the ceremony today.... I was not following rhythmically !




I received lots of flowers today. They are for you, Gilles !